The traditional wedding ceremony is in four stages or parts. The first part is the adat merisik. The second part is adat bertunang (engagement custom ). The third part is menghantar belanja dan akad nikah (marriage contract), which is the legal and religious part of the wedding. The last part is the bersanding (enthronement), which is a family celebration.
Adat Menengok / Merisik
The adat menengok (asking ceremony, or more literally 'spying custom') is the traditional Malay system for arranging marriages. When it is time for a young man to get married, his family will look around to identify a number of potential brides. Usually family was suggested to their son about selection of the Bride. Therefore, the son must agree with the choice of their family. But nowadays, the man might suggest to his family who he would like them to consider, and it may be that a romantic link already exists between the man and woman. Having decided upon one particular woman, the menengok, or investigation process, takes place. For this ceremony one or more representatives (wakil) of the man's family pay a friendly visit to the family of the woman whom they have in mind as his potential bride. [1]
The visit is purely for the purpose of further investigation, and it gives the visitors the chance to see the woman. A hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the visit, and their reaction will be assessed. The woman's parents may also give the visitors some idea as to whether or not their daughter would be interested in the match. Other, to ensure the woman have abilities such as cooking, sewing and so on. The menengok does not constitute a formal proposal. Following the visit both sides can begin to think more seriously about the possibility or otherwise of a marriage. It is possible that no progress may take place, and the man's parents or representatives will then look for another possible bride. If the both of the family satisfied the result, then parents and other family could decided on the best day for meminang.[2]
Adat bertunang
Meminang is the parents of son go to the woman’s parents to ask for the hand of their daughter in marriage. The engagement custom will be held when the woman parents accept the representative (wakil) of the man's family. Family and relatives of man come to the girl’s house where they will have representatives to talk on behalf of each other’s family. This will usually be the uncle or a family friend/ dad’s friend. They are then set the date, the hantaran and expenses Hantaran is the amount of money for the guy to give to the girl’s family to support the wedding and expenses is the amount of money for the future bride to keep.
In adat bertunang, both of sides will talk and determined the date of marriage contract (akad nikah) will be discuss in engagement custom. Usually the adat bertunang (engagement custom) is normally held at the bride's home. A date will be choose to celebrate the akad nikah (marriage contract) ceremony. Anyway, them talking about the amount of money is already awkward enough. In addition, adat of menghantar tanda (token) also take places in adat bertunang. Usually token in the form wether a ring or gold or diamond. The sending of tanda or token (engagement ring) is customarily accompanied by ceremonial kenduri held by both sides.
Menghantar Belanja dan Akad Nikah
In a Malay marriage, akad nikah is ceremony that is essentially required by islam and the law of the country to make the marriage halal. The most important part in malay marriange is the akad nikah (marriage contract) ceremony. The akad nikah will start with the groom sitting (on a small square mattress to make him comfortable,) facing the imam or tok kadi. They will then hold hands in a handshake manner, and the imam will say the words of the akad nikah to the groom who will then reply. So, after the akad nikah is accepted and the imam recites prayers for a happy and blissful marriage to the couple, he will then read to the groom the duties of a husband, his rights, the dos and don’ts, and also the duties and rights of the wife.
Tok kadi or iman will mention in particular the stages in pursuing the Islamic divorce and the consequences of reciting divorce intentions including incidences where it is lawful for the wife to seek divorce. And after the imam has finished with his advice ( mostly read from prepared text), the groom, acknowledging the advice given, will then sign the formal papers of marriage for official documentation purpose. The Religious Department will, in about two weeks time, deliver him the official marriage certificate. The groom will then do the Muslim two rakaah "Solah Syukur" (prayer) as gratitude to Allah on the successful proceedings and to seek guidance daily on his new status as a husband.[3]
He groom signs the marriage contract and agrees to provide the bride with a mas kahwin (expeses, literally 'marriage gold' in form of money or goods or anything as requested by the bride). It is opposite to dowry where the mas kahwin is paid by the groom to the bride. The mas khawin is a symbol to show that the men is willing and are prepared to build a family with the lady he chose to get married to. The contract signing is done before a religious official and is accompanied by prayer. If the bersanding is to take place the next day, the couple's hands are dyed with henna during the berinai besar (great henna-ing) ceremony. The bride's hair is also trimmed, eyebrows shaped and make-up applied by a beautician, known as the mak andam. Then the bride puts on her tudung (hijjab or headscarf) to cover their hair and a selendang, or embroidered and beaded shawl over that. A crown is also placed on top of the shawl. If the bersanding does not take place on the day following the nikah, these preparation customs are delayed until the bersanding.[4]
Akad nikah
Bersanding
The bersanding (enthronement) ceremony begins with the groom's procession with friends, relatives, musicians and people waving bunga manggar (palm blossom) to meet the bride. Often various good-humoured attempts are made to waylay or stop the groom from getting to the bride. The main part of the bersanding involves the seating of the bridal couple on a dais and sprinkling them with yellow rice and scented water by family members, relatives and guests as a sign of blessing. Each guest will receive a bunga telur (egg flower), a decorated egg with a fabric flower, as a sign of fertility.
Bungga Manggar (Palm blossom)
Pelamin
The actual marriage day is the bersanding. This literally means the "sitting together of the bride and bridegroom on the bridal couch". Known as the Pelamin, this couch is the centrepiece of the whole ceremony, and two pelamins are required - one in the bride's house and the other in the bridegroom's.[5] As the Bersanding ceremony customarily takes place in the afternoon, the bridegroom entertains guests at his own house in the morning. Usually the groom and the bride wears dress full malay such as tengkolok, keris and so on. The bridegroom will dressed as king and queen. At the agreed time, he is escorted in a procession with a hadrah or kompang band (male music group) to his bride's house. [6]
The kompang performance is an important part of the traditional Malay wedding ceremony, especially in the Southwest of Peninsular Malaysia. The kompang troupe also performs during the wedding procession on the actual marriage day. The ceremonial activities during the actual day begin with the bridegroom walking slowly in procession towards the brides house for a distance of about a hundred to two hundred metres. The party, led by womenfolk and accompanied by bearers of the decorative flowers called bunga mangga, consists of family members and friends of the bridegroom. The kompang troupe walks in procession and performs various songs until the bridegroom enter the bride’s’ house.
Kompang
On arrival, he has to pay a 'tax' in the form of money to the girl's family before he enters each door leading to the pelamin to take his place besides his bride. An astakona, a tiered pedestalled tray, is also placed in front of the pelamin. Each tier contains a mound of cooked yellow rice studded all over with red-dyed eggs. This tray will later be presented to the emak pengantin (a close friend or relative chosen to be the matron of honour for the marriage) as an act of appreciation for her help during the ceremonies. The groom then sits with the bride on the pelamin. [7]
After this the couple returns to the bridegroom's house in a procession. They are normally accompanied by the hadrah band, with men beating a rhythm on their timbrels and reading verses from the Koran. The music proclaims their marriage to the world. At the bridegroom's house, the Bersanding ceremony is repeated for the benefit of the bridegroom's kinfolk. This is followed by feasting and merry-making, called the kenduri. The wedding celebrations come to an end when the bridal pair returns home to the bride's house to pay respects to her family. After the bersanding ceremony, the wedded couple and their guests attend a celebratory feast called the makan beradab (formal meal). This involves the bride and groom feeding each other sweetened rice.
Bunga telur (egg flower ) and Pulut Kuning (yellow rice)
Makan Beradab (formal meal)
[1]Alwi bin alhady, Malay Customs and Traditions, Singapore: Donald moore press, 1967, hlm. 24-25
[2] Ibid, hlm.26-28
[3] Ibid, hlm.30
[4] Ibid, hlm. 31
[5] Mubin Sheppard, Malay Couptest, Eastern Universities Press (M) Sdn. Bhd, Kuala Lumpur, 1956, hlm. 29
[6] Ryan, N. J , The Cultural Heritage of Malaya, Kuala Lumpur, Longman Malaysia Sdn. Bhd, 1962, hlm. 53
[7] Ibid, hlm. 28-33
